Beyond Setting Goals: 6 Reasons Your Resolutions Aren’t Working

So here it is a month out from all those New Years Resolutions! How are we doing with those goals? I spend a lot of time with people on creating intentions and reaching for their goals. After all, isn’t that one of the main reasons people hire a coach—to support them in getting to the next level in whatever it is they are doing in their life, their business or their career? Absolutely! It really helps to have someone on your team that isn’t going to judge you. But there is so much more to this story than just creating some goals and making them happen. Here are a few things I’ve observed over the years that get in the way of achieving what you want:

Fears, Blocks, or Outdated Beliefs Are Standing In The Way

We all know about this one. Fear of change, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown—these are but a few of the things that feed our inner- critic and keep us from getting unstuck. These fears need to be identified and cleared in order begin to move forward. Becoming more aware of what these old beliefs are is the first step. You can’t change anything until you become conscious of what it is. Then you can question these old beliefs and also use wonderful tools like EFT Tapping to clear them away.

Goals Are Set By Your Inner Critic Rather Than Your Authentic Self

This is a huge one. This is what I find for a lot of my clients. For example, they come to me with a goal to reach a particular level in their business. As we begin to work through what is in their way—the fears, the inner critic, etc. and then begin also to create a vision of what they want, identifying their values and what is fulfilling for them—it becomes apparent that there is a conflict between the goal and what is important to them.

Many times we set goals based on what other people think we should do, or on what success “should” look like, and then find the process of working towards that goal to be filled with unrest and conflict.

Sometimes our inner-critic is doing the goal setting. Becoming more familiar with your authentic self you can learn to align your goals with what is truly important to you, not your spouse, your parents, the culture, etc. We take in other people’s expectations as to what we should be and want, and sometimes forget what’s true for us.

Frequently people who have gone into business for themselves find their inner critic really running the show. They left corporate jobs because they wanted more freedom or flexibility only to find their inner-critic is worse than any boss they ever worked for.

Goals Are Unclear

Perhaps you haven’t taken the time to really define what it is you want, write it down, or create a plan to get there. Most people don’t know as much about what they truly want things to be like as they do about what they don’t want. How do you get where you are going when you don’t have a good picture of “there”? These goals are more like “wishes” that live in your head with “someday maybe” attached to them. Always somewhere in the future when something else is taken care of first.

Goals Are Too Big Or Too Small

Maybe your goals are unrealistic. Even you yourself don’t remotely believe you could get them. You can say affirmations daily that you’d like to be independently wealthy, but if you really don’t see yourself being capable of achieving that, and it’s too overwhelming to break down into a plan, then it probably isn’t going to happen. Conversely, if you have a goal so small it doesn’t inspire or stretch you at all, then it won’t hold any energy and will quickly be forgotten.

Priorities Changed and You Didn’t Notice

Sometimes this means your priorities have really shifted from what you initially thought was a top priority. That goal has now become secondary. We sometimes stick to old goals because we are used to them. Maybe we keep setting a goal to be the #1 salesman, but have forgotten that we are actually a couple of years from retirement and being number one isn’t really as important as it once was. That’s great to realize! What’s important is consciously knowing that is what’s happened so you can make different choices without guilt or feelings of failure.

Life Gets In The Way

In this scenario, you aren’t doing what you set out to do because you are letting day-to-day stuff interfere. There could be lots of reasons for this, but basically, you have that nagging feeling of guilt and failure and frustration because the choices you are making are more unconscious than conscious and aren’t aligned with your priorities.

Take Another Look

So take another look at those New Years Resolutions that you haven’t been keeping up with. Run them through the list above and see if it strikes a cord. Consider the option of hiring a coach. It’s a wonderful way to help you create a structure, a support system, and get feedback and accountability that will help you reach those important goals for 2018. One of the biggest gifts of coaching is clarity. With clarity, you can begin to really know when you are working on the right things. And with clarity comes a sense of peace about what you are doing and the ability to truly enjoy the journey along the way!

Being Enough

Do you ever get tired of hearing about how important it is to believe in yourself? How limiting beliefs are holding you back?  How in order to succeed you must change your beliefs about yourself? These statements are all true of course, but sometimes I have noticed with my clients, myself and people interested in personal and spiritual growth in general, that there is a tendency to feel we are always striving and never arriving. We aren’t quite enough.

It is important to remember that you are already complete and whole right now in this moment.

There is an underlying idea in the personal growth arena that we don’t have everything we want because we aren’t quite “there” yet.  You aren’t pretty enough, spiritual enough, evolved enough, aware enough, etc. You don’t have enough money or the mate you long for or the job that fulfills your purpose because you aren’t quite enlightened “enough.”  All you have to do is look around you to notice that there are plenty of people who have lots of money that aren’t very enlightened.  There are plenty who have great relationships that aren’t completely self-aware.  There are lots of people doing satisfying work that still have their own issues to work out.  In other words, as humans, we aren’t perfect.  Even more than that, we never “arrive”.

As soon as we work out one issue, another one pops up for us to deal with. You may get a job that fulfills your purpose, brings you great money, and allows you to express our authentic self, and suddenly find yourself laid off due to an economic downturn.  Does this mean you aren’t enlightened? Could it mean you had a bad thought that created it?  Perhaps it means you need more growth before you can manifest good again?  Definitely not! This is another example of our ego working overtime when we are feeling vulnerable.  I say (or rather John Lennon said), “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

When you can fully embrace your Spirit you will realize that you are whole and complete right NOW!

We need to stop letting our ego, or as I call it, our pigeon self, put us down for all the circumstances that happen in our life, and fully embrace our Authentic Spirit.    You do not need to strive so hard because you are already that which you strive so hard to be.  All you need do is be willing to drop the false ego and embrace your authenticity. The more time you spend connecting to your Authentic Spirit, the easier it will be to take that realization of being enough back into your daily life, back into the polarity of the ups and downs, the disappointments as well as the joys of living.

Self-Trust: Staying True to Your Own Voice

Finding Self-Trust

How do we learn to trust ourselves more? Do you get gobbled up by everyone else’s opinions, beliefs, ideas, and expectations? Do you find yourself losing confidence in your own voice, your own purpose by comparing yourself to others goals and accomplishments? What does self-trust mean?

Deepak Chopra uses a term he calls Self-referral instead of self-trust. 

Being solid in your own beliefs instead of relying on others to gauge your own choices and beliefs.  Here is his description from his website:

Self-referral is identifying with your inner self – the unchanging essence of your soul. In this state, you have an internal sense of joy regardless of what is happening around you because you aren’t identified with transient objects or events. In self-referral, you experience your true being, which doesn’t fear any challenge, has respect for all people and feels beneath no one. Fear drops away and there is no compulsion to control and no struggle for approval or external power. As you experience self-referral, you pierce the mask of illusion that creates separation and fragmentation and know that you are an inextricable part of the field of infinite intelligence.

-Deepak Chopra 

To personalize this statement, think about a time when you have felt intimidated or overwhelmed when comparing yourself to others. With the flood of information, we now have access to on the Internet, it’s easy to fall into discouragement just looking at the amount of information out there. It sometimes appears almost everyone on the planet is a Coach and EFT practitioner!  Our OBJECT REFERRING ego is always looking to compare and rank us in relationship to everyone else.  It is impossible to not find someone else who is better, more experienced, or better at marketing themselves. This can really erode our confidence and self-trust. It can mask that true authentic voice with confusion and discouragement.

Embrace Your Uniqueness

To be effective in our own work, we need to stop comparing ourselves to the experiences, truths, and accomplishments of others.  It’s important to keep focusing on your own unique purpose, skills. You have your own unique ways of presenting them to the world. Don’t let your inner critic of comparison convince you that you must follow someone else’s path to success.  Following a proven path can be good, but only if you are aligned with it and it feels true for you also.